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She's Out of My League

She's Out of My League

My friend recently started dating this incredible guy. Smart, funny, and good looking: a reformed fuckboy. So naturally I asked if he had any friends for me. He said he had one in mind, let’s call him Matt. Here is low down on Matt... Matt is a former fat kid. Matt was overweight for practically his whole life until recently, he lost all the weight and became moderately good looking. A good-looking guy, who doesn’t know he’s good looking, perfect. I didn’t hesitate and immediately had my friend schedule a double date. Things went really well; we all went to dinner and at the end of it he drove me home. When my friend asked Matt how he thought things went he said, “She’s super cool, I like her personality and energy a lot,” which was SUCH A COMPLIMENT. As opposed to the usual “yea she’s hot” or “definitely down to hookup with her” I’ve heard in the past.

We scheduled a second double date for the next weekend. Dinner and then drinks at my friends boyfriends house. At dinner I had a couple margaritas and not gonna lie I was feeling myself. Tequila makes me have an inflated sense of self worth and confidence. Tequila is the source behind my alter ego, I haven’t figured out her name yet... but she’s a wholeeeee other bitch. If I say something to you drunk and you confront me about it... you have to take it up with drunk me, not sober me. Sober me has no clue who the fuck that is and what her agenda is lmao. After dinner we headed back to the house, not gonna lie I did a couple tequila shots. We played a burning gave of “never have I ever” yea I know super fucking high school. Sorry not sorry, I was determined to get drunk and have everyone’s dirty laundry aired out along the way. About 4 margaritas and 5 tequila shots in I found myself alone with my date. I immediately jumped him HAHAHA. Another side effect of tequila: I was extremely gross horny. Long story short, we hooked up.

I didn’t even touch him, like the bitch I am, I let him go down and didn’t bother to return the favor. Afterwords he proceeded to tell his friend and mine that it was, AND I FUCKING QUOTE: “the best hookup of his entire life” YEA. AND I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING TOUCH HIM. Like u think that’s great? Just wait until I return the favor :)! Also his friend told mine that he was extremely nervous because he recently lost all this weight and “hasn’t hooked up with someone that hot before”. Like yea I’m out of his league, but in that moment I was happy I went out of my comfort zone and tried someone that’s not my usual type. A week passed and I could feel him distancing himself from me... all I was thinking was “what the actual fuck,” like WAS I OR WAS I NOT THE BEST HOOKUP OF YOUR LIFE?!?!??! It quickly came to my attention that he was talking with another girl when we hooked up, which is fine. If they aren’t together officially he’s fair fucking game. Except he wasn’t anymore... two days after we hooked up HE CUFFED HER. HE FUCKING CUFFED HER. Like are you serious. AND I KNOW THIS GIRL TOO... like she’s cute and a good girl don’t get me wrong... I’m not gonna sit here and bash her if that’s what you think is about to happen. IM BASHING HIM INSTEAD. I GAVE AN UGLY GUY A CHANCE AND NOW HE’S ACTING LIKE I’M THE UGLY ONE.

Excuseeeeeeeee me!!!!! Like I lowered my standards for you!!! I was down for you!! I wanted to have life changing sex with you!!! The moral of this fucking story is that no matter how good looking or unattractive a guy is, they are all the fucking same.


2 comments

  • Sarah M Seip

    I had a similar experience. rolling eye emoji

  • Robyn

    Best thing I have read in a longggg fucking time!!!!


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